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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in nick's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, April 5th, 2009
11:16 am
An uncontrollable lack of need to communicate
It says it all really. I don't know that I can keep up the communication like I used to. I suspect that is part of why I gave in completely.

How does it begin?
I'm not that person, or maybe I am that person, but I shouldn't be?

It seems that time has passed and age has pressed in, and stress and laziness and apathy have all taken their toll. It should now be time to stop, think, and finally get myself pulled together.

Or rather I could step out for another cigarette.

Saw Da Man two weeks ago. The Who were without a doubt once in a lifetime. I'm glad they happened in mine.

Hori - can you still hack this? If not, send me a text, I'll get you in.

A taste is all I can manage. Will have to try again later.

Current Mood: confused
Monday, June 14th, 2004
8:51 pm
The long hard road
Bed time in 9 minutes and counting....

So sad really. That I'll try to be in bed by nine. I miss too much the nights and nights me and Da Man used to spend. Two am in the cold, smoking, talking and drinking coffee. Last night couldn't have been more perfect for it.

I'm into my third "last" week of my job. Maybe I'll be working next week, maybe not. I guess it depends how successful this week is. Strange that an unsuccesful week would mean that I would still be employed. I really have to get out of this.

I made a list of people I'm missing tonight. It was too long. Where did my world go?

(Coral, sorry I forgot to add you to the list. You're on it now)

Anyone need a foundry experienced chemical and materials engineer? Anyone....?

I didn't think so.

*Shrug*

Current Mood: contemplative
Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
12:01 am
Guilt
Don't ask me how I broke the robotic dog, I shouldn't have blamed it on Roy. And the old woman with no legs really should have gotten better treatment. It's really horrible waking up with a guilty conscience.

Well, they went against all reason and let me through. Didn't want me back I guess. The good of this is that I'm only 285 work experience hours away from my degree. The bad is that I know I don't deserve this. Life can be too good to me sometimes.

Current Mood: blank
Tuesday, December 16th, 2003
8:05 am
He falls on his face again
What a night...!

I feel like I've broken promises and I haven't even made them yet.

It started out all good. I spent the afternoon and evening with Steve and Elle and Jayden-even though you didn't manage to ring first Steve ;-P

It was capped off by an unexpected appearance of Da Man back at the flat at 5:30am. I guess it was a good thing that I did decide to walk home or I would have missed him yet again.

Thanks by the way, Steve and Elle, it was an awesome dinner and I'll be sure to get myself some Cajin spices as that seasoning was spectacular! I've missed you guys and I know that I'm to blame for that, but it was good to finally get the chance to catch up. It feels funny how the conversation has become more mature than it used to be, but I guess that happens as life becomes more structured. Good luck with that spyware Steve, you are definitely going to need it if your computer keeps acting like that.

As for the broken promises, I'm reminded that I still owe you a coffee Mr Spragg. I'll make good on that a-sap.

But for the promises to Da Man... I want to spend New Years with him, but I know that he wont do what everyone else I know wants to do. One of the things I love about him, I guess, is that he is so fiercely independant, such a loner. It makes me feel special that he would even consider my presence worthwhile. But I can't break promises already made. I just wish that he could understand how important that was to me. I've done so much more harm than good in the last little while (if not, so much longer). I'll do my best, but how could my best ever be enough. Things seem out of control, I don't really know if I can redirect them that much anymore. But I will promise and do promise that I'll try.

Messy messy....

I know something is missing. Something has been missing for too long. Feeeling guilty. Feeling foolish. I'm to blame. Feeling weak.

(I hate that this is another angry depressive entry-I didn't want to do them anymore)

Current Mood: anxious
Friday, October 24th, 2003
11:14 pm
I saw you tonight, even though you weren't there. your ghost visited. It was a bittersweet haunting. One which I hated but want so much to happen again.

I think Hori was unimpressed... I don't care. She never saw you living.

I'm sorry. I don't know why I wrote this.

Current Mood: depressed
Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
10:29 pm
Lets forget for the moment that you are completely unhinged...
Or maybe not. Being unhinged is about all thats left of the creative psyche. Watching Ten Things I Hate About You tonight. Not exactly a productive use of my time, but then neither is this so I think that covers all arguements nicely thankyou. Its a very cool movie and has a very cool soundtrack. Not exactly what I need at the moment, but it was good while it lasted. A bit like a cigarette would be really.

How do you determine the fit has hit the shan?

The people in postions of authority stop answering the phone and those with a good view have already started running for cover.

Putz!! Getting on... Getting on... Spoke to Elle tonight, as no doubt you know. Will try catch up soon.

Would it be a bad investment to hire a horse to take me to town? I'd be protecting the environment for the future.

I'm rolling snake eyes on my conciousness. I think it might be time to stop gambling. If only it wasn't an addiction.





The End

Current Mood: calm
12:11 am
Disturbed? No... We're not disturbed....
Yeah, ok.... So we're disturbed.

You know what I did?
I stuck panty liners to my balls.
It really hurts.
Do you want me to rip one off?
Arrrrrrrrrrrgh!


Ben, you are a fucking idiot.

I still have one more on there.
Should I rip that one off too?


Yeah, Ben. Do it for us....


I love this place!

It says it all really, doesn't it?


So much to do. So little time to write about it. I miss the social thing outside my flat. So many people I haven't seen in far too long. I'm better now. No more coughing blood, but now Uni kicks in and kicks me just as I'm trying to get up again. I suspect that intravenous coffee might help, but not enough. I think that I can make this work, I just need to stay me. This place is far to good at assimilating the unsuspecting into the collective.

Your biological and technological distinctiveness will be added to our own

I think that, just maybe, I've run out of excuses I can tell myself. I'm not the man I used to be.

Current Mood: worried
Tuesday, July 29th, 2003
1:02 am
So what is it they aren't QUITE ready to tell us...?
The question is...
Are the people at Vodafone extremely paranoid, or do they know something that we don't???


Why should this be the question?.. Well, consider this, I have had a mobile phone on a post pay contract for about four years now. During this time, I have had my phone insured by Vodafone representative companies for the duration. Recently the company which insures the phones changed. With the change of company came two significant alterations in the contract. The first was to lengthen the hours by which I can contact Vodafone to make a claim. All to the good! Better service for no extra cost, just what the customer always wanted. But the second change was to add two significant paragraphs to the conditions by which the phone will NOT be insured. Please note that there are four paragraphs in total covering when the phone will not be insured. The two not quoted below are, when combined, just shorter than the first quoted...

We do not provide you with any insurance cover where the loss, or damage is caused by, or contributed by:
i) war, invasion, acts of foreign enemy, hostilities (whether war be declared or not), civil war, rebellion, revolution, insurrection, military or usurped power, confiscation, nationalisation, requisition, or destruction of, or damage to property by or under the order of any government, public, or local authority, or looting, sacking, or pillage following any of the above; or
ii) nuclear weapons material or ionising radiation, contamination, radioactivity from any nuclear fuel or nuclear waste, or from the combustion of nuclear matter...


-Vodafone Insurance Policy 2003

I think that means its about time for me to go turn off the portable nuclear reactor I've got running in the back yard, cancel my paper and go hide under the stairs with my trusty sawn off shotgun for the next ten years, just till things settle down on the local political front. At least I can keep my phone safe.


Hey Hori, sorry about the last couple of dayz at Konami. They were a bit hazy for me. I was further under the weather than I thought. Not quite back in the world, but there for talks if you need them.

My room is clean!! Again!! (Thankyou Ben for making it messy in the two days I was dying so that I had something to do when I got better)

To Dan S. We do indeed need to catch up for coffee soon. I wont promise this week. I'll promise that you will be the first date I make after my throat stops shredding parts of itself and depositing them on my t-shirts.

Elle and Steve- I'll make you two my second date. Still haven't seen a two year old Jayden yet.

To the rest of the world...
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<font=13>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

The question is...
Are the people at Vodafone extremely paranoid, or do they know something that we don't???


Why should this be the question?.. Well, consider this, I have had a mobile phone on a post pay contract for about four years now. During this time, I have had my phone insured by Vodafone representative companies for the duration. Recently the company which insures the phones changed. With the change of company came two significant alterations in the contract. The first was to lengthen the hours by which I can contact Vodafone to make a claim. All to the good! Better service for no extra cost, just what the customer always wanted. But the second change was to add two significant paragraphs to the conditions by which the phone will <b>NOT</b> be insured. Please note that there are four paragraphs in total covering when the phone will not be insured. The two not quoted below are, when combined, just shorter than the first quoted...

<i><b>We do not provide you with any insurance cover where the loss, or damage is caused by, or contributed by:
i) war, invasion, acts of foreign enemy, hostilities (whether war be declared or not), civil war, rebellion, revolution, insurrection, military or usurped power, confiscation, nationalisation, requisition, or destruction of, or damage to property by or under the order of any government, public, or local authority, or looting, sacking, or pillage following any of the above; or
ii) nuclear weapons material or ionising radiation, contamination, radioactivity from any nuclear fuel or nuclear waste, or from the combustion of nuclear matter...</b></i>

-Vodafone Insurance Policy 2003

I think that means its about time for me to go turn off the portable nuclear reactor I've got running in the back yard, cancel my paper and go hide under the stairs with my trusty sawn off shotgun for the next ten years, just till things settle down on the local political front. At least I can keep my phone safe.


Hey Hori, sorry about the last couple of dayz at Konami. They were a bit hazy for me. I was further under the weather than I thought. Not quite back in the world, but there for talks if you need them.

My room is clean!! Again!! (Thankyou Ben for making it messy in the two days I was dying so that I had something to do when I got better)

To Dan S. We do indeed need to catch up for coffee soon. I wont promise this week. I'll promise that you will be the first date I make after my throat stops shredding parts of itself and depositing them on my t-shirts.

Elle and Steve- I'll make you two my second date. Still haven't seen a two year old Jayden yet.

To the rest of the world...
<font=13>GOODMORNiNG VIETNOW<font>

I'm leaning slooooowly....


Current Mood: whoops- is that my lung?
Sunday, June 15th, 2003
2:47 am
The flat is a mess. Its always a mess. I think I should burn it down. Burn it all! Fuck it! I can't be bothered. Its funny how everything can turn to custard just by being left alone. Things should be looking up. They're not.

Bitch! Moan! Bitch! Moan!

Shut up Nick!

Current Mood: cynical
Tuesday, April 29th, 2003
3:29 am
My Bomb Didn't Fall Today
The end of the event is like always a bit of a let down. Kinda like the empty feeling you sometimes get after sex, I guess. When you give your all and yet somehow know that things could have been better, but you couldn't have changed them.

Late last night and the night before,
Tommyknockers, Tommyknockers,
knocking at the door.
I want to go out, don't know if I can,
'cause I'm so afraid
of the Tommyknocker man.

-S.K.

I guess I don't have the mental discipline I really need to achieve at the moment. I'm reading again- alot. I am taking your advice though Melanie- short novels. But I read lots of them. Currently re-reading "Different Seasons" by Stephen King. If you haven't read it, or at least two of the four stories, then you are wasting your life! No doubt most people have seen the movie Shawshank Redemption. Well, thats based on one of the stories in this collection (Called Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption), and the story is as brilliant as the movie. Strange thing to say given my usual approach, which is to love one (Usually the book) and not the other. But in this case they are both pearlers.


And if this world blew up i'd finally get a decent night's sleep
And every night i pray for sweet dreams and an h-bomb
But my bomb didn't fall today

-http://www.livejournal.com/users/rabbiwes/

I like that quote. It fits me nicely. I think that it would finally allow me that good nights sleep. I hate having to be exhausted just to rest. Not exhausted now and not resting for a long patch I'd imagine. Triple J (my lecturer) is quarantined until Wednesday just in case he suddenly explodes halfway through teaching us how to pump a coal slurry and rains the SAAS virus all over us.




Thanks for the distraction...
Tuesday, March 25th, 2003
9:52 pm
Another failed experiment...

I put fudge in my hair. Bright blue. The idea is that if you put it in for half an hour then wash it out it will dye your hair but not your scalp. Well it stayed on my head for two hours before being washed out. The shower got very blue, but my hair is exactly the same colour it started with.

I guess I'm not cut out to be a smurf.

Having one of those nights. Feeling depressed and angry with myself and hiding in my room to escape my flatmates fighting. I feel caught between a rock and a hard place sometimes (you know-that place near Lancre). Our minds are our own prisons. Feeling free from ourselves is sometimes the hardest freedom to achieve. Not allowed to read a novel- my usual method of escape, because I've promised myself that I wont read when I should study. I know that as soon as I begin reading it will take over everything else and I wont do any work until I've finished the book. Obsessive compulsive? Sometimes.

I was feeling a bit unfair for what I said in my last entry about Americans. Then I watched the Oscars. America at its best. You're allowed to hope for peace, but not to proclaim that what America is doing is a fucking farce. I respect that documentary producer who won the award. The rest of them are cowards, liers and idiots. Apparently all the speakers were instructed not to mention the war. If any of them had ANY integrity or balls at all they would have said screw the Oscars, Bush, you are a cunt

Current Mood: depressed
Friday, March 21st, 2003
11:23 pm
Apathy
I'm actually getting bored of being pissed off at the United States. These overly egotistical bastards who are reveling in their roll as biggest bullies on the block are just getting easier to ignore for their stupidity, their arrogance and their inability to be logical or intelligent. I saw a documentary a few weeks ago where an American said that he could not wait till he could walk down the street and not be embarrassed to be an American, not wishing that people would mistake him for a Canadian. I think that all Americans should feel like that. I'm beginning to become racist and hate the entire American population.

What upsets me about this however is that I am getting bored of it and more willing to ignore it. All Americans are bastards for what they are doing (I know that there are alot of Americans who are against the war, but the American army and the American government are meant to represent the American people and their actions are unacceptable). I don't believe in hating the American people, but if you are represented by your government, which is the entire idea of your government, then you are acting (as a country) like fucking bastards!

Anyway, I'm sorry to all the people in America who are no longer proud to be Americans (the rest of you are still bastards).

I will never forgive France and China for their nuclear testing recently and I will never forgive America for this BS attack on people who are better than they are. Just part of the way I am.

This is too intense! I need a piss!
-Lim Sim (The Nutty Professor)

On a lighter note...

Imagining my friends as smurfs.

Burning Daniel- An orange smurf, instead of the usual blue skin. His hair would be on fire at all times and he would be stoned. A stoned smurf, that would be something to see.

Jazmine- Hori Maori smurf!!! Doin' para para styles with blue arms waving wildly. Repeating the line "Well fuck you then!"

Ben- What can we say. A very thin smurf, slightly out of control of his limbs and unable to sit still. I can also see him in a roll close to that of Brainy smurf, that is, always being thrown a couple of kilometers away for the things he says.

Steve- The Big bouncer smurf who keeps the rest of us in line. Probably the one who keeps throwing Ben smurf away.

Jayden- Baby smurf. Kinda like a mascot. He'd be cool in blue!

Da Man- Loner smurf with cool shades. Everyone wants to be like Da Man.

Coral- Something of a smurfette, but more independent and less fluffy.

Nao- Always drunk and getting into trouble. She'd be in that group of teenage smurfs that they came up with later in the series.

Tori- Gothic smurfette. Nothing blue about this one, but minimum spikiness for a goth.

Ross- This'd be the spiky goth smurf.

Jeff- Bit like the Ben smurf but not likely to be thrown away. Somehow I think he'd retain his nipple piercings too.

Craig- The smurf that everybody hates! We feed him to Gargamel's cat as soon as we get the chance!

Matt- (Said in a stoner voice) Long blond hair and blue skin clash really badly man...*

Bobo- Who the fuck is Bobo smurf?!?

John- A smurf with a Rastafarian afro!

Mike- Mike's an Irish smurf (Mike scares me cos he's the easiest person to imagine as a smurf- he fits the roll far too easily)

Fredel- Fredel isn't a smurf, Fredel's a Snork!

There are many many more, but coming up with good descriptions is a bit of a struggle. Maybe you could tell me what kind of smurf you think of yourself as...?

Some websites I thought were funny...
http://www.tommunism.com/
http://www.512productions.com/lobstermagnet/lobsmag.swf
http://cagle.slate.msn.com/mondo/MondoAlQaeda.asp

Nothing really special about them, but I got a laugh from them, if your humor is simple, maybe you will too.


God! This entry is boring....

Goodnight!

Current Mood: cynical
Thursday, March 6th, 2003
12:07 am
Star Gazing, Smoking and Wishing
Star Light
Star Bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may
I wish I might
Have this wish
I wish tonight



I don't ever wish on stars. I don't even think about doing so. I can't imagine why I would believe that it would ever make a difference? Strange really, because I wish on falling stars. Every time I see a falling star, I make a wish. And its always the same wish. Do I believe that it makes a difference or not? I don't know. My mind says no, yet I keep doing it. I keep believing it does make a difference. I watched the sky on Saturday night for over 90 minutes. It was fine for an hour, but I grew bored. Yet I didn't stop. I refused to stop. I would not quit until I'd found my shooting star and made my wish. Well, I did, and I did. Doesn't make a difference really. But it does, because I needed to do it.

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Everything your heart desires
Will come to you


Its like Da Man says, I guess...? "Whats the point on wishing on this or that? There are so many things we're supposed to make wishes on: Birthday candles; The first star of the evening; Shooting stars; those seed pods which float about in summer; etc. How can you believe in one and not another?"

Thats true. And I don't believe it. But I do it. Maybe I do it Just In Case! And yet, how much do I not do just in case? Walk under ladders, smash mirrors, salt over the left shoulder, pray... Not a chance!

Twinkle Twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky



Spent the week before last at the bach. Da Man for the first three days, Lim and Lawrence for the last. I think I might actually be finally ready to face the world. Or at least give it a try. Pity that I don't really have the money to get myself started. I'd love to say that those pricks at Timezone have alot to answer for, but I can't. The world isn't there to be handed to me on a platter. No matter how much I wish it was and how much I act like it was. I just have to start again. Earn my money all over again and rebuild. Why do I bitch about it, and why do I write about it here?

BAH!!

Anyway! At uni now. Third day over and done. Why am I still typing at the computer? I should be in bed preparing for tomorrow. Nah... I sleep too much anyway.

!!!JENGA!!!

Current Mood: restless
Tuesday, March 4th, 2003
4:03 pm
The inevitable hasn't happened yet. I'm glad about that.

Current Mood: listless
Wednesday, January 29th, 2003
12:44 am
Oops, I broke it. Oh well it works better now...
Can it be possible that we have reached the point where life is more interesting when it is lived through a computer screen? So it would seem. At least life would be cheaper for me if I embraced that philosophy. But I just can't stay interested.

My first entry since the wedding. That was a day I'll always remember. Pity that the photos make me look like a stiff-backed secret service agent. All I was missing was the curly ear piece. Steve was a shock though. I've seen him scrubbed before, but nothing to match that. He was even on his best behavior- I only had to hit him once.

Nothing in depth to say about the day. I tried to keep my thoughts shallow and just appreciate the moment. One thing I couldn't escape though was the inevitable feeling of getting older. Especially when everyone had gone to bed and I stayed up drinking with Steve's folks. Becoming an old man, it was too natural to be talking, joking, drinking with them. Just more people and new perspectives to view the world. Though I think I was already pretty appreciative of their (and Tracy's) view of the world. They know how to live the moment better than anyone else I know.

I have discovered that I'm apparently the man to talk to about failing relationships. This comes as something of a surprise given that my history has been such a disaster. But I'm currently a sounding board for six (I think) people who are having issues. Its sometimes easier because I don't have to worry about my own stresses and sometimes painful for bringing feelings to the surface. But I owe it to them. I owe it to the world really. Its been there for me and I want to return the favor. I just wonder at Da Man that he was able to do it for me. He did a far better job than I ever will, and he had a lot harder subject. His own feelings couldn't have helped at all. I love him all the more for it though. He is and will always be a legend in my eyes.

I guess I'll leave it at that. These things can get boring if they go on too long, and I have no embracing philosophies to expound, no debates to begin and no psychotic ramblings to share.

In the rather unentertaining words of Jim Carry
"This ends our broadcast day, click"

Current Mood: Shaking
Saturday, January 4th, 2003
2:45 am
The inevitable aftermath...
And not surprising, its only cos I feel like feeling guilty. I doubt there is much that anyone is going to say that will make me feel any more guilty than I can make myself feel. I still wouldn't apologise. I feel that it, or something like it needed to be said. The point being more that I truely liked Rose and would have enjoyed knowing her. I would also have let things lie and left her alone. But she made that very difficult. Maybe I can stop talking about her now and respect her wish. I guess it depends on any response I get from my last post.

I kinda feel like acknowledging a few people- Dan S, Gav and Shannon. Its rare that I respond to comments you post in my journal, but I do respect them and appreciate them. Cheers guys.

A few stars had been let out early. Teppic looked up at them. Perhaps, he thought, there is life somewhere else. On the stars, maybe. If it's true that there are billions of universes stacked alongside one another, the thickness of a thought apart, then there must be people elsewhere.
But wherever they are, no matter how mightily they try, no matter how magnificent the effort, they surely can't manage to be as godawfully stupid as us. I mean, we work at it. We were given a spark of it to start with, but over hundreds of thousands of years we've really improved on it.

-T.P.

Today was very productive! :-)
I also got absolutely nothing done :-(

What I did manage to do was pass:
Dead End
Healing Vision (Angelic Mix)
Era
Trance De Janero
...and a couple of others. I've very proud of myself. Especially cos I hadn't even tried most of these songs before. (Incidently, knowing that most of you have no idea what I'm talking about, these are DDR songs- a dance game at work)

I think that I'm just going to have to take Steve out and show him a good time. I've pretty much given up on the idea of embarrasing him.

Current Mood: embarrassed
Sunday, December 1st, 2002
3:40 am
The lost paradise of late night smoking
So much for trying to quit for summer, get fit and sleep at reasonable hours. Just no coping with a real life life style. What the hell.. if Rozu wants to give me shit about having no life and moping all the time, I'll at least be doing what I feel the need to do.

Missed Da Man last time he was here. Spent the night with Dodgy and was asleep when Da Man showed up. Haven't heard from him since. Very unhappy about that.

Speaking of Rozu. If any of you have commented in her journal, its none of my business. I don't read other journals because I'm a coward but don't need more shit from them that I have no idea about. Please just leave me out of it.

Still find the no-friends guy funny, but then, I have to deal with his soul mate most days at work so not hard to laugh at him. Almost quit last week, but Emma kept me in the fold. I realised how strange its gonna be when I'm no longer the Timeout guy. Guess I'll have to grow up one day, but not today.

Had talks tonight. Feeling strange about them. Not a bad kind of strange- well, sorta guilty kinda strange but not bad in any other ways. I just haven't had much sleep this week, so can't really think about stuff too well. Just coasting and hoping that things will be ok next week. I did realise the value of a good friend and know that I'll not risk that for anything but my own extreme stupidity. Kicking myself now. Told stuff that shouldn't come out unless fitting for the moment. It wasn't. Not for me.

Shut up Nick. You are speaking in riddles and boring the world.

Bring back the purple frog...

Current Mood: melancholy
Tuesday, November 5th, 2002
4:46 am
The Realm of the DON'T F**K WITH ME CLUB
Whom ever wrote that comment to Daniel: You got the balls to say something like that where I can see your face? You don't fuck with my friends! You especially don't fuck with them in MY journal! If you really believe that you have a right to call people names then you should believe in signing YOUR name to your comments. Obviously you are a childish, insecure, as Daniel mentioned, Bigoted, weak and cowardly individual. Whomever you are, know that you are not welcome here and that you are the sort of person who is only ever welcome in places full of small minded, generally below average intelligence people, who have the sense of humour of a fatal car accident and the friendship value of a rabid dog. I would ask you if you honestly believed that ANYONE could have even the slightest respect for you , but no doubt you are too stupid to understand the question or why I would ask it. Let me make it simple- single syllable words so you don't get lost- No one likes you. You are a loser.

Hmmmm....
Nicely worked up now. I was depressed, but happily replaced that with angry. Funny, the hands shake about the same amount with anger as they do with tension. Maybe I'm just smoking too much? Too bad. The nicotine helps.

Managed to ruin a potentially enjoyable visit by my sister on Sunday. It didn't help that I was asleep and that I had broken the phone cable for the internet. Its amazing what you can do with cellotape. A bit noisy, but at least I'm back online now. Exams in a week. No study yet, but getting into the idea I think (I hope).

Ben has (apparently) evolved from a whigger to a white chigger, but that just makes it easier to laugh at the stuff he says. This one is for you Ben:

GOTHIC POM POM!!

As for my last entry... Those addressed should understand their bits. Maybe.

Emma (my manager) is back in about a week. Thank God for that! Craig (the acting manager) is a retarded prick who would get on well with the tosser who wrote the anonymous comment in my last entry. It truly is amazing- I've never met anyone who is as completely hated as Craig is. Apparently he doesn't care, but I think the main reason for that is that he has no idea how far the animosity extends. No one likes you Craig- NO ONE! Its not a case of some of the younger regulars being young- the rest of us (and I do mean ALL of us, including EVERY SINGLE PERSON YOU WORK WITH), cannot stand your guts. I know you want Emma's job and I know about everything you have said about her and about me behind our backs.

That feels so good to say. Even if it is only in here. The prick found out about ddrfreaks.com, maybe he's been hunting enough and will find this too. A word to the wise- if you are looking hard enough for negative comments about yourself, you'll be amazed at how easy they are to find. Especially when you think so highly of your self and think it is your duty in life to tell everyone how much the man you are. There is only one Da Man, and you AIN'T IT!

I feel like I'm getting younger and more immature. Funny that. Maybe senility is setting in already. Time for my second child hood? I'm sure I needed less sleep back then.

Current Mood: annoyed
Thursday, October 31st, 2002
2:48 am
The unkept quarters of Konami HQ
Stuck in a room with way too many pillows which are really getting in the way.

Also sharing my bedroom (rather clever cos none of us are in there) with three other people:
Ben- the fucking idiot who noone can help but love cos he gets away with saying the stupidest things imaginable and you have to laugh no matter how much you want to cringe.
Celeen- Kinda strange but really friendly and too nice to everyone. She got a raw deal and still manages to laugh at my stupid jokes.
Jazmine- Probably will never forgive me for spelling her name with an "s" but still one mean Para Para Player (who can kick my arse at DDR, no matter what she says).
Nick- Bald, blind and a really slow typer. But he lives here so its a bit hard to get rid of him.

Spent lots of the night going over old entries with Jazmine. Oops! That was F**king stupid! But at least the bite is dulled by social expectations. Thank God for conformity!

Been reminded of the Purple Frog and all his cronies (the other purple frogs). Is it true that the mind is only creative if you shut down all other vital functions for a while? Hmmm...seems so.

I love you
Amen!
Hallelujah!
Open your heart to the spirit!

-Apoptygma Berzerk

(Obviously not the original source of the quote, but the best use of it I've ever seen)

Going back to truth and remembering why I stopped taking lessons was not fun, nor my idea. But if we can't choose our path, we must at least follow it with conviction. I meant what I said- I stay away because I miss you, because I can't let go or stay away in my head. Not because I want to stay away.

My 2c?
Getting what you wish for is almost exactly the opposite of getting what you need. Stop wishing and find the line which defines need. Once you cross it, then you can begin to go for what you want.

Good night. No more cola chuppa chups. Never again.

Current Mood: discontent
Tuesday, October 15th, 2002
1:54 am
Hmmm... thankyou Rozu, that was unpleasant. Seems that you missed the point but I'm not going to make an issue of it.

Konami HQ, Madz, is the name that Rozu gave to our flat while she was living here. I still call it that but I'm not sure if anyone else does... *shrug*
I must request, also, that you label your comments. I really hate anonymous comments. Just your initials are enough, but whatever.

Back on the net after too long. I lost all my hotmail emails thanks to over-filling the inbox DOH! Teach me for not sorting things out faster.

Jayden is so big now. Hmmm, I really should be visiting more often. Time for a new car (yeah right- in my dreams).

I get the feeling that this is just going to be a list of inane comments so I'm going to go now.
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